Have you ever had conviction hit you in the gut where repentance is a quick follow-up?
Ugh, story of my life... thank you, Jesus!
A few years ago I publicly talked about the depression battle my hot-surfer husband was facing. It was the first time we had agreed to share those struggles in hopes it may help someone.
When the interview podcast was over, I did that introvert thing where you mentally play back all the words you said and regret saying almost all of them. My playback was turning into a loud, uncomfortable record scratch.
I picked up my phone and called a friend.
She didn't pick up.
Rats! I quickly dialed another.
She didn't answer either.
Why were all my soul-sisters MIA the minute I couldn't mute the lies in my head?
I felt like I majorly messed up the job I was set out to do.
As I was desperately searching for my worth,
I felt God whisper...
"I want to be your first responder."
That 1-2 Holy Spirit punch was all I needed to get on my knees and receive the gift of grace that's found in Christ.
My "sorry" was hijacked with tears as I exchanged my pain for His promises. I gave Him my insecurity and He replaced it with His security.
Perhaps you're in a season of exhaustion, feeling broken-hearted, overworked, or weighted down by heavy, heavy stuff?
Jesus carried the burden that was intended for us to carry.
We didn't earn or deserve this gift of grace and mercy.
Jesus did the work so that we can live.
And not just half-live like zombies walking around town all weary and burnt out on mom stuff, or career or that overwhelming health condition, or the sin that is totally causing you to stumble into some rough-ridin' stuff.
Jesus gave us the gift of salvation so that we could LIVE FULLY IN HIM.
ALL we have to do is TRUST and have Him be our go-to.
It's an exchange...
less of me, more of Him.
I'm not the greatest at math, but I'm feeling it.
Less of my anxiety about what's next.
More of Jesus.
Less of my attempts at finding worth in what others think.
More of Jesus.
Less of my side eye to the mom who leashed up her kid in one of those toddler backpacks with the strings.
More of Jesus.
You feelin' me?
It's tiring being me.
And perhaps it's tiring being you.
Overdosing on coffee can't fix this tiredness...
Just overdosing on Jesus can (yeah, I said it!).
We're flawed.... humanly flawed on this side of eternity.
But the answer is in abiding in Him.
From that place, when the disappointment hits you rest in Him and know His plan for you is good.
Even when we can't see it or fully comprehend it.
He. Is. Good.
I love how The Message translation says it, in Matthew 11 “I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” ( Matthew 11:28-30 )
Yesterday this question popped up in my prayers
"In the wake of disappointment, where are you running?"
Your bestie? Ice cream? Harmful addictions? Netflix Binge?
Somewhere in this journey, I had made it all about me. I wanted to be the hero of the story and strive to victory.
Let's stop running (see ya later gym membership).
And simply start resting.
You're not giving up, you're showing up in the arms of grace.
There's freedom from striving, performing, and comparing. This isn't a mad dash to the finish...
It's a steady pursuit of holiness through the pursuit of the hero, Jesus. May we rest into the unforced rhythms of His grace. Amen.
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